Day 57

Good old #57 Clay Matthews. Ags told me the other day that Clay and Ozzie Newsome were his two all time favorite Browns. Dad and I used to have a laugh at every Browns game over him. Across the way from our seats, there was always a sign that had an arm curled up in an upside down flex position and it said "Clay 57." Dad and I used to always look at each other and say "The arm of Clay." Kinda stupid, but it was one of our several inside jobs.

Yesterday starting around 2:15-2:30 it started to snow here like crazy. Right in time for rush hour traffic, the snow gods let loose and we had a mini-blizzard. Luckily for me, I work from home, so it didn't affect me as much. Also luckily for me, Leah had taken the train to work. If she wouldn't have, it would have probably taken her 3-4 hours to get home, no exaggeration. I called my friend Sean and his fiancee Nancy works in Glenview, which is about 10 miles closer to the city than Leah's office. He told me it took her 3 hours to get home and she left at 2:45. As bad as the weather was, it was the timing of it all. I love snow. I do. But the problem in this city is that they have no idea how to plow in this city. The roads were terrible last night as were the sidewalks. The snow was piled so high, on my walks with Casey last night she was literally buried all the way up. She could only hop from place to place to get to higher ground. It was so cute. The other problem is that she loves the snow and wants to stay outside, which clearly is not happening.

Back to the roads, the only plow the main streets here. So this morning when I took Leah to the train station, the main roads were totally fine. But I take a lot of side streets. They are completely untouched. People are sliding all over the place, not to mention the fact that every side street is lined with parked cars. So one skid or wrong turn and you can hit a parked car. Its been this way forever. Gotta give Cleveland credit, now they know how to plow.

Also wanted to say a quick word about John Lennon. Yesterday was the 25th anniversary of his death. Readers of this blog know what a big fan of the Beatles I am. John was so amazingly creative, he and Paul together were probably the best songwriting duo of all time. I was not into his post Beatles solo stuff as much, but he did have some great tunes. As my man Mark P said yesterday in our discussion of this The Beatles essentially set all the trends and created a cultural phenomenon is the span of 7 years. My friend Jeremy has said to me for years that you are either a John guy or a Paul guy, and he is a John guy. I am somewhere in the middle, but lean towards John.

Song of the Day: "Imagine" by John Lennon

Day 56

This morning I was thinking about how I said in the last year I wanted to be a better person. In the weeks after dad died, I received a ton emails, phone calls, and cards from people. As much as I appreciated everything that my friends had done for me, it was the randoms that seemed to resonate with me the most. I received cards and emails from people that I hadn't seen since high school, who wrote to tell me how they always loved my father. I received an email from a girl I dated briefly in my freshman year before Leah who said how she will always remember how nice my father was when he came to Lawrence to visit. Even friends of my friends sent their kind wishes. Of the many well wishes I received, the one that stuck with me the most was from a girl a barely knew. She is a friend of our friend Randi who I had only met a few times and probably had never said more than 10 words to. Her mother had passed away from cancer earlier in the year. It was just a simple card saying "I've been there, if you ever want to talk." I cannot tell you how far that went with me.

On the flip side of that, you also remember the people who don't step up or contact you in any way. Now I know that most people do not know what to say, I can can totally speak to that watching so many try to express their sorrow to me. Two examples stick with me. My ex-friend Caplin, who I had a major falling out with, had every opportunity to get back in my good graces by sending me an email or a card. I know he knew what had happened, but of course, I got nothing from him. The other thing that bothered me recently was last week in Cleveland I ran into my old high school girlfriend Lara. I haven't seen or spoken to her in years. She says "I totally meant to call you last year, but I'm so sorry about your dad." You know what? You may have meant to call, but you didn't, just stick with "I was so sorry to hear about your dad" and call it a day. That was a lame excuse. And honestly, I never even thought about her not calling or sending a card for one second until she said that.

Last week, Beth - a girl I know from the KU circle who is a few years younger than me - her father passed away due to complications from prostate cancer. When I heard the news, I said to Leah that we must send a card. I know her, but not all that well. But I know how important it is to get well wishes from not just friends, but from acquaintances as well. I'm not trying to tell anyone how to live there life, I can only tell you how I feel. Whenever you can in situations like this, you should always step up and send a card. Its not that hard.

Song of the Day: "Summertime in the LBC" by Dove Shack

Day 55

My mom went to Florida yesterday to relax, play golf and spend some time with friends. Lets just say she deserves it. Last winter she spent a lot of time traveling to both coasts of Florida and Arizona. Winter in Cleveland can be tough for her. The Summer and spring are a lot easier. Anyone who knows my mom knows she is an absolute golf fanatic. She plays probably 5-6 times a week during the summer. So when she can go on trips like this and play winter golf, it is right up her alley. Its not like she needs to be in Cleveland to watch the Browns playoff push.

My mom is a pretty amazingly strong woman. The year she had to endure I wouldn't wish on anyone. After being an unbelievable advocate for my father and watching the man she loved for 34 plus years pass away, she seemed to be doing better than expected. I cannot tell you how many people had told me how my mom seemed to be unbelievably strong. I think things were on their way to being settle and then she got received the news that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. As tough as she has been, I don't think she ever thought this was going to happen to her and so quickly. Luckily for her, the cancer was caught very early and was cut out with surgery and radiation. Thanks goodness she didn't need chemotherapy. After watching what the chemo did to my father, I know I can speak for my mom when I say she was not prepared to go through that again. She came through this all like a champ. I was a lot more scared than she was, at least what she was letting on to me.

Its funny because as I had said in my eulogy for my father that he was the glass half full guy, but my mom was the glass half empty woman and that is why they worked so well together. I know that the last year has really changed her views on a lot of things. I think now she sees that life is too short to get hung up over things that are out of her control. Her patience, or lack there of, still hasn't changed. There is nothing better than watching her walk to and from the hostess stand at a restaurant while waiting for a table. The lack of patience there is in direct conflict with the patience she has with her grandchildren. She is an unbelievable grandmother. Jace just adores her.

Between my losing her husband, her bout with breast cancer, and my brother's impending divorce, this has been quite a 14 month stretch for her. I can honestly say I am so proud at how she has handled herself. Most others couldn't have done what she has done. I am one grateful son. So to my mother, I say relax, have fun in Florida, hit them straight, and stay warm, because it is bitter cold here in the Midwest.

Song of the Day: "Give Thanks and Praise" by Sizzla

Day 54

I apologize for not being able to post a blog yesterday. Comcast, my joke of an internet and cable provider, has been essentially on the fritz for the last 3 days. Every winter the same thing happens. It gets freezing cold (10 degrees today again) and there is a outage. My cable and internet were out last night. My cable still isn't working properly this morning, but my internet is working, but very slowly. Of course I have to sit here waiting for them to come out here today "between 11 and 1." What are the odds that they actually show up in the 11 o clock hour? I'm going with slim and none.

My internet being out from about 3PM till this morning made me realize something. I have become so reliant on the internet for all of my information. Whether it be my email, sports information, news, etc, I need to have access as often as I can. This past summer, We spent three days in rural New Hampshire and Maine staying at a bed and breakfast with no tv and no internet. I was going crazy. I felt like I was on an island and didn't know what was going on in the world one bit. Of course, instead of worrying about world news, I was more concerned that I couldn't see a Tribe box score.

The good news of yesterday was that my Sirius satellite radio finally got here and has been set up. With the cable out, this was a great opportunity for me to listen to Howard 100, Howard Stern's channel. I've been eagerly anticipating this and listening to the Howard 100 News was quite interesting. Who knew they could do serious hard news about Howard and all of his various chronies and make it sound legit. Leah turned to me during dinner and said that this was making her so sad, because nobody would have loved listening to this more than Dad. He would have had Sirius in his car and several radios set up throughout the house. Mom used to refer to it as "Stereo Howie" because when she used to wake up, dad would have the radio on in his bathroom, in his office, in my old room, in the kitchen, and in the living room. Every radio was set on 98.5 FM. Wherever he went, he could be listening - that is how mom came up with "Stereo Howie."

KU/St. Joseph's tonight on ESPN at 6 PM CST. This is a must win. So far we are 3-0 and beat every crappy mid major team with ease, yet we are 0-3 against all teams that are halfway decent.

Song of the Day: "It's Funky Enough" by The D.O.C.

Day 53

I have 10 cousins (I have three daughters, all of which......(inside joke)) . They are all great and unique people in their own right. Growing up I spent a ton of time with my cousins, something that most families don't do. Now that we are older, I see less of them because we are all spread out, but I have gotten a lot closer with some of them. I think we now see things differently than we did as kids.

This blog entry is dedicated to my cousin Julie, one of the coolest and most down to earth people I know. Her birthday was yesterday, and in typical TD fashion, I totally forgot! Jules is a lot like me in the sense that we are the younger and to some senses wilder siblings in our family. Over the past 6-7 years, essentially once Jules came into her own, we have become very close. She attended the University of Wisconsin and on her way to and from school, she always stayed with Leah and I. We have spent some high quality times together. Whether it be in Florida for Grandpops 90th or going to see the Greyboy Allstars at the House of Blues in Chicago, fun always seems to follow with us. One of my alltime favorite times that the family spent together was when we went out to Nighttown the Saturday night of thanksgiving to celebrate Julie's 21st b-day. The crew was in full effect. We had myself, Leah, Kathy, Steve, "Cousin" Brendan, Debbie, Steve J, Susie, Uncle Kenny, Aunt Linda, and a bunch of Julie's friends. Lets just say we closed the place down. I haven't seen our family having that much drunken fun in years. Uncle Kenny was in rare form downing Scotch's like it was his job. Fun was had by all. I always talk about trying to "recreate Julie's 21st" but it never seems to happen.

Jules has such a big heart. She is very independent. After she graduated from school, Julie went on a 40 day solo cross country trip that started in Cleveland and ended in San Francisco where she now lives. She made stops all over the country to party and visit friends. My friend Dave who has spent time with Julie has always told me how he doesn't know anyone else who could have pulled that trip off successfully the way she did. Both Julie and her sister Kathy are pretty amazing like that. They have both done their own things and have been successful in doing so. I couldn't be prouder of her. She is now working for the Timbuk 2 bag company in San Francisco and living in the big city. San Francisco is lucky to have her, and I am lucky enough to have her for my cousin. They don't come much cooler than Julie.

Song of the Day: "2 of America's Most Wanted" by 2Pac.

Day 52

So last night I was in Grand Rapids, MI and was eager to watch my young Jayhawks play Nevada at the Fieldhouse. I've said all year I was going to be patient with this young team. Well it is so frustrating to watch mistake after mistake on offense and watch guys commit dumb fouls. I won't bore you with the details, but we lost by 2 and had a chance to tie at the end, but couldn't get a shot off. It made me start to think about how impatient and fickle sports fans can be.

Being a Cleveland Sports fan my whole life, I know nothing but disappointment. I feel like I've seen every single possible way to lose in my 29 years on this earth. I've seen "The Drive" in person. I've seen "The Fumble." I've seen "The Shot" in person. I've witnessed Jose Mesa shaking off signs from Sandy Alomar only 2 outs away from a World Series title. I've seen my KU Jayhawks be a #1 seed three times and a #2 seed once in my 4 years of college, yet always find a way to choke before getting to the Final Four. I've seen my Jayhawks finally get to the promise land, only to shot 12-30 from the free throw line and lose by 3 to Syracuse. But I always go back for more. Some say I am a glutton for punishment. That is probably true.

I have seen a change in perceptions of sports fans in this technologically savvy day and age. Now everyone seems to have an opinion, whether it be callers venting to local and national sports talk radio hosts about the coach of their favorite team or anonymous "fans" going on chat boards on the internet to complain about their point guard's lack of heady play down the stretch of a game. The bottom line is this - winning cure all. This season when the Tribe was leading the league in one run losses, our manager Eric Wedge was being called out as an amateur by fans and newspaper columnists. But during our white hot streak in August and September, he could do no wrong and he was touted as a possible manager of the year candidate. This summer Bill Self was being lauded as a recruiting genius when he scored the late signing of Brandon Rush. Today, the chat boards are crazy with "Bill Self can't coach" posts as our record dropped to 2-3, worst start since 1972. As I said, winning cures all. I'll say this, Billy boy has until February to show me some growth with this young team before I start calling him out.

Song of the Day: "Work" by Gangstarr

Day 51

#51 is the number of one of my all time favorite Browns, Eddie "The Assassin" Johnson. One of the meanest, toughest linebackers in Browns history. Just loved him growing up. Unfortunately, Eddie's tie in to my family is that he too passed away in 2003 due to complications from cancer. I saw this quote when looking up to see when he died. It was Hanford Dixon talking about him: "E.J. was always such a fighter," said Dixon, who was drafted with Johnson in 1981. "At one point yesterday he took off his oxygen mask and left it off for over an hour as if to send us a message: I will not go down without a fight."

Woke up to snow this morning in Chicago. Just a dusting, but snow nonetheless. I was supposed to go to Grand Rapids in the morning, a 3 hour drive. We were going to leave at 5am, but the weather there is calling for 3 inches of snow overnight, so my co-worker and I are heading up there tonight instead. No point in trekking through the snow at 5am when I am half asleep. This is probably a better plan. Thanks goodness tomorrow is Friday. I am looking forward to the weekend. This week has seemed very long to me. The after the holiday week is always tougher. Seems like there is a lot of things to catch up on.

Its a strange thing about jobs, work, and pretty much everyone I know. Does anyone really love their job? My brother is a sportscaster and even he doesn't love what he is doing sometimes. I hated my last job. It was a joke of a company and I knew it. The last straw was when the essentially robbed me of about $5000. So I began to look around. I was lucky to hook up with a quality company like Prairie which treats its employees so well. But do I love the job? Not really. I look at my friends and the jobs they are in. Most of them do what they do for a paycheck and that is it. Do you think that Sheri is passionate about finding people jobs at her advertising agency or Sean loves being a broker at etrade financial? Not likely. I know another person living under this roof where I am typing this from who works extremely hard at her job yet gets zero satisfaction from it. It makes you wonder why we all do what we do. The answer is simple - Money. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be a sales manager selling plastic cups and foam plates, I would have told you that you were crazy.

Life works in strange ways. MD always wanted to be a play by play man for an NBA team. He knew it at age 6. How many people can say they are doing what they always dreamed of doing as a kid? Not many I know of. But he worked on this from high school on. He wrote a sports column for the newspaper. He went to college and as a freshman worked his way onto the most well known student radio station for sportscasting in the country. He became a basketball, football, and lacrosse play by play man and honed his skills at a young age. I could have done something like that. It would have been easy to go to the student station at KU and offer myself up to do some grunt work before getting my own show. I was too busy partying and not going to class to do so. Even my boy Sturch got his act together enough and he got his own show being "Roots Ryan" the reggae show dj on Saturday's from 4-6 for two years. I don't have many regrets in life, but that is definitely one of them, not taking the iniative to start early so I could eventually work in the sports field. I did intern one summer at the Kansas City Fox affiliate, which was great, but I never really pursued it any further. Oh well, what could have been.

Song of the Day: "Deacon Blues" by Steely Dan

Day 50

First off - who thought I would ever make it to 50 blog entries? I'm going to go out on a limb and say NOBODY! Time for some random thoughts:

-For years I have been an avid watcher of the Real World series on MTV. As with everything else, some seasons are better than others. But in the last few years, the formula is getting increasingly more stale and tired. How many more times do I have to watch the first show where everyone fights over rooms, they all get in the hottub, get loaded, and two roommates end up hooking up? Last season in Philly was real lame. No hot chick + two gay guys = me not watching. This past season in Austin looked like it had some promise. So I watched. I figured I would give it one last shot. Lets just say I'm done. Lets see, they go out, get loaded, get into fights, someone gets thrown in jail, two roommates hook up, they fight, and the cycle repeats for 13 weeks. As a wise man once said "its an old bit."

-Speaking of TV, was unhappy to read that my show Reunion was cancelled. That is now the third show in the pats two years that Leah and I have gotten into a gotten the ax; American Dreams, Jack & Bobby, and now Reunion. Guess that after The O.C. timeslot is still a failure.

-It is getting bitter cold here. This wind is brutal. Nothing better than Casey taking her sweet time when I am shivering out there.

-My man Howard Stern is on 60 Minutes this Sunday in their feature story with Ed Bradley. Very interested to see it since they had him go back to his old neighborhood in Roosevelt, NY for the first time since he left as a kid and vowed never to go back.

-How good are digital cameras? To me, there is no reason for anyone who takes pictures not to have one. The technology is so good that I can send out my pictures (and many of you know that I do) as soon as I get back to my computer. I am my father's son with taking photos. Everyone gets annoyed when I get picture happy, and then love it when I send them out so quickly.

-I am really looking forward to my 4:30am wakeup Friday morning followed by a 3 hour drive to Grand Rapids, MI to do a 1 hour sales meeting, then drive 3 hours all the way back. Although, I will gladly trade that for all of the days that I sit here in my jeans, t-shirt, and sandals all day working from home.

-Big night of college hoops tonight highlighted by Duke/Indiana. I know my man Mark P has been looking forward to this game for months. I think Duke struggles at Assembly Hall but wins 75-73.

Song of the Day: "Quality Control" by Jurrasic 5

Day 49

I wanted to talk a little today about my good friend Dave. Dave and I went to high school together, but weren't nearly as close as we are now. He was in the grade below me. We started becoming closer during the summers when we were both in college, especially during the epic "Summer of Todd," as we all refer to it. Dave was a big part of the solid crew that tore up ctown during that said summer of 1998. There were a lot of people around then, but mostly it was myself, Gregg, Dave, and my other friend Todd. From that summer on, Dave and I kept in close touch.

Dave is truly one of a kind. He just has a way about him that you cannot help but like him and laugh. He is beyond outgoing. He has done so many things over the years that have made me laugh. Here are some of my favorite Dave being Dave moments:

-On his 21st b-day, we all went out downtown to Shooters in the flats. We all got pretty banged up. In attendance that night was Tribe pitcher Charles Nagy. Nagy had just died his hair bleach blonde. Dave had disappeared for a few minutes and we went looking for him. All of a sudden, I spotted him with Nagy, as I walk over to them, I hear Dave say "..and another thing Charlie, about that hair, its weak, I don't like it."

-He unknowingly let is slip that our friend Brandon, who at the time was one of my best friends for some odd reason, had been sleeping with my high school girlfriend behind my back while I was away at college. Even though it was 5 years earlier at the time, there was no reason for me to be friends with someone who was would do that to me, so we all snipped him. To quote Gregg "this was the best thing Dave ever did."

-Dave has given some unforgettable rehearsal dinner speeches. At his friend Allison's rehearsal dinner, he gave a speech how he knew that Allison and Ari were made for each other because one time he had asked her is she farts in front of Ari. Dave went on to say that Allison told him how she does and how they have farting contests and how she can clear a room with her gas.
At another rehearsal dinner he was rambling so long that people began to boo him off stage and the band started to play music. Dave's response as "this isn't the Oscars, I'll go as long as I want."

-In our wedding video, it captured a classic Dave moment. The circle for the Hora was beginning and was pretty deep, you can follow Dave from his table, to the the dance floor, breaking through the circle, and started his own dance with me, my dad, and my uncle.

-Last weekend, he came by the house to see my mom. We started talking about some girl and he said to my mom, "yeah Patti, she's cute, comes from a great family, has nice boobs....."

Dave and I also are a member of the club nobody wants to be a part of. About a month a half before my Dad died, his father had passed away from Pancreatic cancer. He had been sick for almost a year and it was so tough for him. He was going back and forth between Chicago and Florida where his dad was quite a bit. Through it all, he was so unbelievable positive and strong. He was a role model for me on how to act in the tough situation I was in. He was the guy I was talking to the most through my whole struggle because nobody else could relate to me the way he could. He was the first person I called when I found out my father died. Again we are in the same boat with trying to take care of our mothers as best as we can, both from Chicago. Its tough, but we are both doing it.

Everyone likes Dave. Its hard not to like him. Nothing better than watching him squirm when some tells him he looks like David Schwimmer, even though he looks more like Dylan McDermott. He drove to ctown this past weekend. On the way home, his car completely died at the Indiana/Ohio border. He was stuck for like 3 hours before he could figure out a way to get home. God bless the kid, only he could find a way to stay positive through it all.

Song of the Day: "Cissy Strut" by The Meters

Day 48

Glad to be back home. Leah and I got up and out pretty early yesterday morning. We were out of the house by 7:45 CST and were back in the house by 1:15. It was perfect. We missed all of the traffic and cruised home in 5 and a half hours. Some weekend highlights I didn't get to in the blog entries from the weekend:

1. Wednesday night Cousin Steve came over to see us after dinner at his mom's. He had all of the solid material working. He really knows how to lighten my mood. I wasn't really feeling up to it, but my boys Gregg, Dave, and Rafal called and said I have to meet them out. So Steve and I went. We met at the bar at Moxie with a few people including of friends Jodi and Jason who had a baby recently. My boys loved hanging with the infamous Cousin Steve. We had a few drinks and I was ready to bounce. I ended up going out to the new sceny spot, Sushi Rock. The place is so Cleveland-trying-to be-hip. Ran into a ton of randoms of the old school. I was a mess, I hadn't planned on going out so I didn't shower and had on my black beanie. I'm sure I was getting a few comments on that. Anyways, I had a real solid time. The highlight was running into my boy Ags' new girlfriend, who I knew from years back but hadn't seen probably since high school. I probably spent 20 minutes talking to her. She was very cool and down to earth. I definitely approve. All in all there, there is still nothing better to me than hanging out with my old school crew from ctown. When we are all together, its like we get right back into the old routine.

2. You cannot go anywhere in Cleveland without running into someone you know. Leah and I were in Knuth's and one of the woman working there went to my high school. Also saw two other random mothers that I knew from growing up.

3. Friday night we had dinner with our good friends Jeremy and Amy in Ohio City at a place called the Fulton bar & Grill. I had a dish that was the whup - Penne Pasta, carmelized onions, and Blue cheese. It was real solid. Jer and I had a solid 10-15 minute Beatles discussion in which MD, Leah, and Amy seemed really uninterested. On that same note, Leah got real tired of me listening to the George Harrison CD everytime we were in the car this past weekend.

4. After dinner, Leah, MD, and I met Cousin's Julie, Kathy, and Steve and some of Julie's friends. Again, cant go anywhere in ctown without running into someone I know. First it was a table of a girl I worked at Hawken Day Camp with and her two friends, one of whom I knew from Chicago. Then on the way to the bathroom, I ran into a table of 8, 6 of whom I knew, including my future brother in law Justin's sister and her husband. Ok - everyone follow that? Steve was killing me. Nobody has better material just by being them self quite like Steve.

5. After a large double Belvedere, Rafal picked me up and we headed over to another weak ctown bar, Bossanova, or as I like to call it, the place where 45 year old divorced men come to try to pick up 20 something women. This was where a bunch of people were meeting after their 10 year reunion, including Dave. Random's here included the great Reality TV star from For Love or Money, my old neighbor Mike Deatly. Mike spent a lot of time at my house growing up, especially in high school. The random of all randoms is that his girlfriend is none other than the Swedish meatball herself, my ex-high school girlfriend Lara. All I know is that she gave me the "I meant to call you last year about your father" routine. Do me a favor, save it. Just say I'm sorry about your father and move on. The other classic is that she had asked about Leah and said "I can't believe you were cheating on me with her and now you guys are married." I told her is was 11 years ago and she needed to get past it. Lara and Deatly together was too much. Another classic was seeing former OHS track star EJ Martin in his fur coat. How solid is that? There were some seriously inebriated people in this crew. I stayed there until around 1:30 and went home. Great time though.

6. Leah, Mom, and I went to Fleming's steakhouse with my Grandmother. What a great restaurant. Gets my seal of approval. What great steaks they have there. A tad on the pricey side, but as steakhouses go, it is definitely worth it. Had a wonderful time with my grandmother. She and my mom both had these Peach Martini's that were pretty good. She was really in good spirits.

Lastly, again, I want to thank all of my friends who called this past weekend to check to see how we were doing. Nobody let me down. I cannot begin to describe how lucky I am to have such great friends. As I said the other day - onward and upward positively from here on out.

Song of the Day: "Friends" by Snoop Dogg, Warren G, and Nate Dogg. An Ags "Head bobbing" track.