Day 90

I love getting up at 5:30am for no reason and not being able to go back to sleep. I've got little material today. Looking at the calendar and i've got less than 2 months left in my 20's. It is funny to think about what I thought I would be like at 30 and this certainly wasn't it. I thought for sure i'd be in a house and have kids by now. But that speaks more to an 18 year olds perception of being 30. I take a step back and I do have it pretty good, but condo and city living is starting to wear on me a little. What really is sad is that I always thought that I would end up moving back to Cleveland and be able to have my kids have a close relationship with my parents. While that still can happen with my mom, its just sucks that my father wont be around to see it. I think about that so often.

It is just like anything else. When we were in LA for our friends Andy and Jules' wedding in September. While the wedding was beautiful, there was an element of sadness behind it and it hit home with me moreso than most people. Jules's father had passed away I believe 8 years ago. Her mother walked down the aisle which was great, but you had to feel for her. Same thing for when Andy danced with her in the traditional father/daughter dance and the toasts at the wedding. My friend Dave, who's father passed away a month before mine did, had to excuse himself during this period because it affected him in that way. He isn't married and it hit him hard at that time that his father would not be there to see him get married. I feel fortunate that Dad was around to see me get married and have a close relationship with Leah, but I will never get over the fact that he wont know my children.

Song of the Day: "Smooth Operator" by Big Daddy Kane