Day 9

At sundown tonight, Yom Kippur, the Jewish"Day of Atonement" begins. It is a day set aside to "afflict the soul," to atone for the sins of the past year. Those who know me, know that my belief system has been quite shaken over the last year. However, this is the one Jewish holiday in which I somewhat do my part. I have fasted the last 6 years and I will fast again at sundown tonight. Why? To be quite honest, I don't know. I just feel for some reason that it is the right thing to do. I don't go to temple, I don't "speak to God" to repent for my sins. I know what I have done over the past year - some things I feel bad about, and others I don't. I don't need to attend Temple tonight to "repent."

Growing up when we went to high holy days services, my dad would always follow along in the prayer book, do all of the readings, prayers, etc. In the last 4-5 years of his life, his views on God had changed. The more bad things that would happen, 9/11, natural disasters, etc, the farther he would stray. He stopped believing. He would go to high holy days services just for my mom, but he would sit there, not following along in his prayer book, just staring. He would say to me, "its all a bunch of outdated crap. It just makes people feel better, but not me." He made a lot of sense to me. A week after my father died, I was still in Cleveland and my mom thought is was the right thing to do to go to temple on the first Friday after his death to hear his name read - his Yartzeit. The whole service to me was crap. I was sitting there listening to all of these prayers saying how we should "praise God" and how "God has a plan that we have to abide by." I looked at my mom and she had the same feeling - How are we supposed to be sitting here praising someone who just took away my father and her husband? A man who was revered and loved by so many. An unbelievable husband and father. A man who loved life more than anyone we had ever been around.

I know, nobody said life isn't fair - but I believe what I believe. What is so great about this country is that we are free to have our own belief systems and have the freedom to express them. I would never push my religious agenda on anyone, and I wouldn't want anyone pushing their agendas on me, but I just cannot understand people who are so God-fearing that they have a reason for everything. What was God's plan on 9/11? What was the plan by displacing thousands of people in the Gulf Coast after Hurricane Katrina, causing deaths, poverty, and anguish? What about the latest Earthquake in Pakistan, killing at least 18,000 and injuring 41,000 more? What kind of reasoning do the hardcore religious right have for these horrific events? Ok - I am officially off my soapbox.

That all being said - I am off to ctown tomorrow morning to spend some q.t. with my family and I am very much looking forward to it, even though the Browns play a road game on Sunday. Tomorrow's blog will be dedicated to one of my favorite people in this world........

Song of the day: "Old School" by 2Pac, a thank you letter to the creators of Hip Hop. Great beat, great lyrics. "What more can I say, I wouldn't be here today, if the old school didn't pave the way."